Today is Thursday, 5th December 2019 and I'm wearing my Thank You, Next sweater from Ariana Grande's merchandise. I mean I love Ariana Grande but she can't ever top my ultimate favourite artist which is Exo.
So, I had class at 8 am which is not my likey but thankfully the class was fun so I can say that my morning hour is worth it. I'm honestly not an early bird and there's a lot of morning classes that I skipped, oops.

Time shows it's 9.49 am and I'm sitting in Richiamo cafe enjoying my coffee cause I need a coffee to stay productive for the whole day and believe or not that my coffee is more expensive than my food.
I miss writing random things and what inspired me to suddenly felt like wanna write something right now is because I saw kak Aqilah, my beloved senior jot down her notes alone and for no reason, its gave me a motivation to do the same thing but sadly I'm not that too productive so I just decided to express how I felt today.

Ooh, someone is coming, the one and only Ivan approaching us and decide to join us for a coffee break. He's a special kid, in a term of special means he has a disability. I mean he's an autism kid, but I am so amazed at him because even though he has that disability, but he never gives up and he's a genius. He awarded Dean List for the 2 semesters straight and I'm so happy for him.

He asked me if I have a Spotify account and I answer that I don't have it but instead I used Apple music and he is so excited about it that it makes him did that little jump like a kid just receive candy from their mother. He is so excited and asked to have a look at my Apple music playlist and he explains to me that he loves pop music which I totally can relate to it.

After having a conversation with him about music, he excused himself to go to class. Shahad and I was so amused as to how much knowledge he has and how excited he is to everything literally every single thing that exists in this world well not just the world but the entire galaxy.

That's how I spend my 2 hours of coffee break in Richiamo and most of it was spent about Ivan getting excited about everything.

I MISS YOU

I want to write something that captures just terrifying it is to be in love. I want people to understand that it’s both beautiful and disastrous, and the entire times you will be wondering how. How is it possible that you could slowly pick yourself apart piece by piece and become one with them.
I want to write something that shows just how much it burns when he leaves but no metaphor about drowning, fire, death or pain could truly encapsulate just how much it hurts. I want to write about you but I have no words, no vision, all the memories that we had vanished between the thin air as it’s never existed before

I try to convince myself not to fall easily on guys. Even though most of my friend called me a "someone who doesn't' have any feelings" but I do not mind. It's not that I do not even have feelings at all, it just, I don't want to experience the same pain that caused such a big impact in my life.

I've been experienced it before and believe me, its the most painful ever. losing someone that you care and love, there are no words that I can explain the pain that I felt.

He's my best friend,  my protector from my physcho friend, my place where I can be me, a place where I can rant all the people that I hate and he's such a great shoulder to cry. I always have this spark when I'm around him, he makes me felt love and he radiates such a happy vibe to me. He incessantly makes me forget about my rough day and how tired I am.

We do not have any special relationship between us, but we do know that we like each other. To be honest, I never confess my feelings to him, but I knew that he knows I have a feeling towards him. It's not that I'm not tried to confess my feelings to him before, it is just that there's always an obstacle when I wanted to.

But now, it's all different, our relationship did not like how it used to be. We stop talking to each other, we stop hang out like how we always used to, and worst we stop liking each other. Maybe he the one who stop it but I don't, my feelings still there for him, it is still going strong and firm. Now, we are just a stranger who doesn't recognise each other and it's hurting me.

I miss how we used to be, I miss all the memory that we created together. I miss having ice cream with you before our meal because that's what your kind of things and now its became one of my habits to eat the ice cream before meals.

I just hope that we can be like how used to be even just a good friend.

I MISS YOU.

A pair of hands that hangs on me when I’m tired

A pair of eyes that entertained my tears

The dream that we have witj pur eyes closed

At that moment, if our hands are holding fast if we do not go

I may be able to be like now

If we have more eye contact

If I did not avoid it

Maybe I still can fly

The dream come true faster than expected, and 

The despair was found faster than I expected

Even I do not know when the happy moment will begin and will be stopped

I prayed all night to find an answer

Crying loudly, but still as yesterday 

No change at all

I look more closely at the ground than to see the cloud 

On top of that there are footprints running wildly 

More one by one gradually

In the midst of it, there are pairs of hands that hang on me that are lovely 

Nothing is over, as long as you can conquer it

Recalled with the start of the dream we had with closed eyes

I lifted my head

Hatred and treachery that filled my body

Can I cope with this anxiety??

Hold on to me who are worried about this

I felt the warmth of a pair arms stroking my head there are still a lot of hands that hangs on me now

I’ve forgotten how to fly,just want to lean on those who are beside me 

Even if the wings are broken, as long as we are still together, we can still fly even higher right? I need to know the forgiveness, and the familiar voice love sounds so weak when I close my eyes

Because of that voice I prayed again

When I want to give up everything, and let go of everything 

There are still a pairs of hand holding me tight when I’m tired

DEMETRE

He was the sun and I was the moon 
He shone in all the darkest places bringing light to the world
He didn't know he was doing it, he didn't
know he was giving everbody hope and a 
shoulder to lean on.


I was the moon,
broken and bruised,
no one took notice of me.


He didn't know that he shon light through
me and helped me light up the night sky.
He is all that I long for yet
All I am forbidden to have.
I am his weakness,
the person he hates.

He is beautiful, hand crafted by the Gods
Given the strength of a thousand men
Given a heart made of iron and 
Barricaded with stone


He is feared.

He is Demetre